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Thanks for your ongoing support - look forward to my next batch of retention reviews on Friday!

George 👋

We’re back at it again!

This week we’re starting off with a cooking tutorial that has 6.1 million views. But the most mouthwatering part?

It’s the technique that’s used in the hook…

Video #1

Title: Chinese Takeout Fried Rice Secrets Revealed
Creator: Jason Farmer
Average % viewed: 37.2%

What to repeat:

audience avatar (IMPORTANT)

• The moment I started watching this video, I was sure Jason had created an “audience avatar” before writing his script.

• An audience avatar is a fictional character representative of the kind of person who regularly watches your content. So why was I so sure Jason was definitely using one of these?

• Because this video’s hook perfectly overcomes his audience's objections.

• I messaged Jason on Twitter, and this is what he said…

• He went on to tell me exactly how he approaches writing specifically for his audience, even down to the cultural references he includes! It’s pretty mindblowing…

• So Jason identifies the primary worries associated with cooking an amazing meal - that we’ll either need to have crazy ingredients, specific tools, or niche cooking techniques - and reassures us immediately that we shouldn’t worry

• By doing so, he also sells the result right at the start of the video - super important in any tutorial.

• It pays to create an audience avatar - literally, imagine 3 different types of people who might watch your videos. Then figure out their common pain points.

• It’s so much easier to tailor what you say to keep people interested if you already know exactly what their objections/fears/hopes/dreams are.

What to improve:

CTA

• I’m not sure we need the caveat about this being only Jason’s preference for how to make the meal - it almost feels like he’s anticipating pushback in the comments if the audience disagrees with his method.

• I doubt people really care. The video already acknowledged that the way he figured out which rice regular takeouts use was “unscientific”, so we know this is all through Jason’s lens.

• By spending time caveating this at the end, we see the biggest dropoff across the whole video, which is a wasted opportunity to get people watching another video of his next.

  • On which point, he could have been more specific about which video we should watch next and why it’s something we, as people who enjoyed this video, would benefit from.

Takeaway:

The easiest way to keep people watching is by directly addressing their objections / concerns / presumptions in the hook. How? Create an audience avatar and figure out what those objections would be, either by looking through your comments, asking your audience directly, or brainstorming.

Video #2

Title: I Quit My Job After Playing Dark Souls: Here's Why...
Creator: The Gareth Woods
Average % viewed: 31.5%

What to repeat:

storytelling

• I’ve often said that a more interesting way of presenting your points is by using metaphor.

• In this case, the entire video is a metaphor for the philosophical point the creator is making.

• There are ways it could have been improved (which we’ll come on to), but for the most part, presenting a video in this way is incredibly compelling.

• I was doing a script review for a client this week, and one thing she told me is that she always tries to make the audience feel smart.

• This video does exactly that - by gradually revealing the relevance of the metaphor, we get the chance to figure it out ourselves, which is super satisfying.

editing

• Particularly when the reason for the metaphor is revealed near the end, music is used brilliantly to elevate our emotions at the realisations we’re having.

• This video is packed with varied music, B-Roll and even the tone of the voiceover changes from scene to scene to pack a punch.

What to improve:

pacing

• The metaphor feel just a little bloated because the script had one too many elements for me.

• Comparing Dark Souls to both real-world events and the idea of quitting your job felt slightly unfocused.

• By trying to fit both in, it occasionally felt as though I’d understood the meaning behind one metaphor, but then we’d spend another 30s seeing how that also fit with the other metaphor.

• Conversely, the hook was gripping in its own right, but wasn’t related to either Dark Souls or quitting your job (the two main elements of the title), and this is where the majority of the viewers were lost.

• The video could have started with a more immediate reference to the topic in the title, and then focused on one clear metaphor, rather than mixing in two.

Takeaway:

Using an entire video as a metaphor for the point you’re going to make is incredibly effective, but the video is at risk of becoming bloated if you overuse it (or try to include multiple metaphors).

See all of my reviews in a single location:

Tired of guessing why people clicked away? Want to understand more about audience habits, pacing and storytelling so you can grow your channel faster?

The Retention Hub collects dozens of retention graphs and lets you filter by niche, views, retention problem, average view duration (%) and more.

This is the fastest way to supercharge your understanding of video retention to keep people watching you for longer, get more views and grow your audience.

LEARN MORE

Video #3

Title: Table Tennis Pro Tries VR
Creator: ElectricityWave
Average % viewed: 35.2%

What to repeat:

storytelling

• Watch this video to see some serious (touching!) character GROWTH.

• I love how Mike starts with the aim of “destroying everyone”, but ends by losing (and doesn’t care).

• He goes from wanting to win… to realising that the kind strangers he met along the way were more important

• One little thing to emphasize more (or even reword) was the moment at 5:45 where he almost has the realisation that winning isn’t making him happy. It’s currently too vague and isn’t clear what this realisation relates to.

• Instead, Mike could have signposted that this was a feeling specifically related to the game itself.

  • Currently: “But I started to realise something that I couldn’t quite describe what it was. Anyway…”

  • Reword: “But I realised I was starting to feel something… unexpected. A feeling that was only getting stronger the more I played. A feeling that I… couldn’t quite describe yet.

What to improve:

visuals

• The shaky the VR footage is unavoidable here but, because of this, Mike could have cut away from the game footage a little more often.

  • Perhaps to the footage of him recording voiceover (which we see a lot).

  • Or to A-Roll of him dressed in the VR gear (which we rarely see by itself).

• Had I found this video cold, I’d have been 50/50 about whether to continue watching after the first minute because the VR camerawork is a little sore on the old eyes 😂 And that first minute is where all the dropoff happens.

• I’d also aim to improve the lighting in the non-VR setup. (I guess you’d call it “real life”)

pacing

• More voiceover needed on the gameplay. A few times we were watching shaky VR footage in silence. Needed to fill a couple of those silences with some more of that beautiful storytelling VO 😍

Takeaway:

The most powerful storytelling comes when a character changes by the end. Crucially, that change has to come from the events within the video, driven by the character’s choices/actions.

That’s all for this week!

Talk soon 👋

George

We kick off with this week’s inspiring quote…

You feeling me with this one?

With that in mind, let’s get into 3 more videos…

Video #1

Title: Building a Mayan Temple For Your Shrimp!
Creator: Aquarium Shed
Average % viewed: 35.6%

What to repeat:

stakes

• The cutaway at 1:20 adds retention-grabbing stakes to the video - not just for the creator, but for us as potential shrimp owners.

• By hearing him say how unlikely the plan is to work even for him, we feel like we need to watch him make it if we want to have any hope of succeeding ourselves.

• So we can’t click away without first seeing how he does it.

• Ergo, S2 is pretty strong.

hook

• I like the style of the hook overall - showing the skeleton of the build and timing the cuts to music keeps it super interesting

• It could have been even better if we’d seen one or two brief shots of the final result, though. Not to give the game away completely, but just to hint at the incredible stuff the viewer will see if they stick around.

• Currently, we don’t really see the Shrimple take shape until around 5min.

What to improve:

call to action

• This creator told me that his audience tends to be slightly older and more used to “traditional media”…

• …which made the promotion of his new NFT seem a little out of place 😂

• It wasn’t hard to see why there was a dropoff in S3.

payoff

• The last 90s of this video don’t need to be there. This is something we’ve talked about in Retention Review a few times so I won’t labour the point.

• The video should end at 7:48 because we’ve experienced the payoff.

• The voiceover segment at the end showcases the Shrimple nicely, so 90 additional seconds of similar shots don’t add anything new for the viewer.

Takeaway:

Make sure every part of your content aligns with your audience’s psychographics. This extends to promoting your own products and doing sponsorships. If there’s misalignment here, it’ll show in your retention.

Video #2

Title: Luffy vs all of One Piece in Minecraft
Creator: SuperDevilMadness
Average % viewed: 43.7%

What to repeat:

foreshadowing

• The first 60s is spent setting up the various bosses the protagonist is going to face. He almost loses against some basic foes in the first 30s, so we’re interested to see how he could possibly beat something harder.

• 4:58 - He beats the first boss, and then we’re told: “the next boss is 2x stronger”.

  • This reminds us about the high stakes at play, and promises further payoffs.

  • It pays to remind the audience of the stakes (especially in a longer video) because it’s easy for a viewer to forget about them when there’s a lot going on.

stakes

• The video constantly surprises the viewer. Just when we think the protagonist has completed a certain objective, another unexpected challenge is thrown at him to ramp up the stakes even further.

• If your video has a “protagonist” who has to overcome challenges, consider how you could subvert audience expectations by elevating the stakes even further once we think we know what’s coming.

What to improve:

• I don’t wanna just fill word count here by looking for problems. This video is awesome. Would love to hear your thoughts if you have any constructive feedback though!

Takeaway:

If your video has a “protagonist”, try subverting audience expectations by elevating the stakes even further after they seem to have overcome a hurdle.

🔎 See all of my reviews in 1 place.

Tired of guessing why people clicked away? Want to understand more about audience habits, pacing and storytelling?

The Retention Hub collects dozens of retention graphs and lets you filter by niche, views, retention problem, average view duration (%) and more.

This is the fastest way to supercharge your understanding of video retention to keep people watching you for longer.

Click here to learn more!

Back to it…

Video #3

Title: I Watched a Kid's Show, and it Broke Me (Bluey)
Creator: RoyalPear
Average % viewed: 54.6%

What to repeat:

pacing

• Check out that hook. 7s explaining the premise and we’re off.

• We spend no more than a minute (at most) on any one topic. Obviously, 1 minute isn’t a rule, but it feels just right for this video.

foreshadowing

• Our perception of kids’ TV is that it’s usually pretty shallow.

• So when the creator keeps hitting that an episode of this show made him genuinely emotional, we wanna stick around to find out why.

What to improve:

setup/expectation

• Retention almost levels out during S1 but starts dropping more rapidly again at around 15s.

  • I felt slightly taken aback from 15s-30s because the creator was genuinely complimenting the show.

  • This contradicted the expectation I had from the title, and from the text that literally just appeared on-screen saying “this was not fun”.

  • I’m all for giving the show a fair review, but I would have highlighted a moment from the show that illustrated why the show was “not fun” at this moment.

• The same thing happened in the second half of S2 when the creator spent 1min complimenting the music.

  • But retention levelled out as soon as we got onto “the cringe” moments from the show.

  • Overall, I think people clicked this video because they wanted a laugh, so the segment reviewing the genuinely funny lines from the show + the cringe moments were exactly what this video needed a little more of.

  • Whereas more bland observations about the concept being nice because it’s about a family and the soundtrack being genuinely good… maybe wasn’t what people clicked for.

  • The creator himself is funny throughout, but some segments of the video didn’t fully align with the expectation I had from the title.

Takeaway:

Re-read your script / review your edit while thinking consciously about the expectations your title sets.

Shoutouts

• Sign up for Ali Abdaal’s final PTYA live cohort → Click here

• See all my Retention Reviews in a single database → Click here

That’s all for this week!

I’m going away for my birthday so I won’t be doing any reviews next week.

Be well, Retentioneers!

George 👋

Welcome to the new era of Retention Review, where each issue kicks off with an inspirational (retention-related) quote 👇

📣 Shoutout

My old boss Ali is running the FINAL live cohort of the Part-Time YouTuber Academy 😭

If you want to learn how to grow your YouTube channel faster, without having to quit your day job, this is your last opportunity to take this course in its most valuable form (IMO).

I’ve watched PTYA running from within (twice)! If you’re a committed YouTuber, this course will change your life.

Learn More!

This shoutout is not sponsored, but I may receive a commission if you decide to sign up through my link (at no extra cost to you). Or, just Google it. Either way, the course is sick.

Let’s get into it…

1 - Create A System

Title: How I Manage Being a Tutor, Author, Entrepreneur, & Student
Creator: Liah Brussolo
Average % viewed: 24.8%

Using some sort of time-turner, presumably… 👀

What to repeat:

informative

• The amount Liah balances in her day-to-day life is pretty remarkable, so it’s definitely worth giving this a watch.

• She doesn’t overexplain her points.

  • From 1:00, I was anticipating that this would happen as many videos like this are guilty of it. But when a point can be understood in a single sentence, she moves on.

What to improve:

camerawork

• A couple of things hinder this video visually:

  • Camera is focussed on the background, not the creator.

  • Early B-Roll is shot from exactly the same angle as the A-Roll, which indicates the video is likely to be visually flat.

topic framing

• Although the video is broken up into two main sections (how you’re wasting time + how to stop), there is a better way to do this with an information-heavy video.

See this example from Elizabeth Filips:

• Elizabeth breaks her methods down into a system, rather than spieling off lists of productivity techniques.

• This just feels nicer to our brains, because it breaks down the goals we have into clear chunks.

• In fact, when I was working with Ali, we found that video titles that mentioned some sort of system or framework always performed well.

• It’s consoling to think all that stands between us and our goals is a simple, well-laid-out system.

Takeaway:

Reframing a list of points into a “system” or “framework” appeals to the side of human nature that wants things to be simple. Presenting information in this way is less overwhelming to a viewer than a long list of points.

2 - Glorious Payoff

Title: I Built A Minecraft Trap That Never Ends…
Creator: NathanLIVE
Average % viewed: 53.5%

Well I’ve gotta see this…

What to repeat:

storytelling

• From 1:47-2:30, there’s a really effortless transition from one segment of the video to the next that adds a new set of stakes.

• Notice how Nathan goes from being insulted by his friend, to “discovering” a new way to achieve his goals, to deciding that (if the new plan works) he’s going to take revenge on his friend.

• I’m pretty sure all that stuff was contrived, but I can’t tell because it’s constructed so well.

• The video does this repeatedly and it’s pretty impressive.

payoff

• The video ends when Nathan’s crazy design is finally pulled off.

• We see it in action and his friend gets trapped inside (payoff from earlier). It’s both humourous and satisfying.

• Then, the video ends. Perfect.

What to improve:

music drowns out the hook

• From 0:06 - 0:11, I lose some of the words due to the music. I listened back a few times, put headphones on etc, but had to use the transcript to check.

• Then at 0:24 the video does this repeated crossfade thing which deliberately cuts off the creator’s sentences.

• I get that the aim was to set up more tension by “hiding” the steps he was about to take to complete his objective, but I found it jarring.

• Taken together, this hook wasn’t 100% clear.

• And when you’re dealing with tiny attention spans, we don’t need much of a reason to click away - this could explain the dropoff in S1.

Takeaway:

Detach yourself from your video emotionally and rewatch the hook as objectively as possible. Ask whether a brand-new viewer would fully understand the premise from the opening 30s.

3 - Setup, payoff, setup, payoff…

Title: I Paid Strangers To Invent Magic Tricks For Me To Perform
Creator: Jack Rhodes
Average % viewed: 28.7%

Magic tricks in public (with a significant twist)…

What to repeat:

editing

• Especially the changing camera angles during the intro and clever transitions (e.g. 8:41).

• Jack’s editing style is really fun and feels like an extension of his personality 👌

tension

• Conceptually, this idea creates a lot of tension.

• The combination of a public challenge in which the creators basically have no control over their fate is compelling.

• But the tension could have been made even better…

What to improve:

payoff

• Don’t get me wrong - there are numerous (and satisfying) payoffs, but they could have been arranged differently.

• Rather than splitting them up, this video lumps them all together.

• The result is that we don’t see the first trick being performed until 3 minutes in.

In contrast, see this recent example from Airrack:

• It begins by showing brief extracts from the multiple payoffs we’re going to get, which opens several curiosity loops.

• Whereas Jack’s video foreshadows only one payoff, then gives 3 minutes of context before we see the first trick.

• Once the hook explains the concept, we need to see the a trick within the first minute. It could have looked like this:

Concept + foreshadowing (30s) → setup* → payoff** → setup → payoff → setup → payoff…

• *setup = cutting back to the discussion table where the trick is described

• **payoff = seeing the trick

Takeaway:

If your video has the potential for multiple payoffs, spread them throughout the video to give the audience multiple reasons to watch + consistent dopamine hits throughout.

That’s all for this week!

Speak soon,

George 👋

Out of interest, how often do you check your retention graphs after you upload?

Hit reply and let me know - I’ve never really asked before! :)

Just a heads up, a subscriber-only discount is ending next week, so stick around to find out more so you don’t miss out!

Let’s get into it…

1 - The analogue stick… really?

Title: A Non-Horror Fan Reviews Callisto Protocol
Creator: Adzi Gaming
Average % viewed: 41.8%

Nearly fell off my chair after that hook.

What to repeat:

pacing

• This is a well-constructed review. He doesn’t labour the point at any stage, and the video moves at a nice pace.

personality

• You really feel his personality during the review, and this is helped by using text to punctuate his strongest emotions (e.g. 1:36)

What to improve:

lighting

• I know it’s a dark game, but I’d suggest a small amount of correction in the editing for our viewing experience.

payoff

• The conclusion that many clicked for was given too early.

• It’s definitely a well-put-together review, but revealing after just 1min that it wasn’t overly scary and that non-horror fans would be fine… probably gave many people the conclusion they came for.

• When the payoff happens early, you either need to set up/foreshadow another payoff… or end the video.

title

• The title isn’t bad, but it causes a problem related to my previous point.

• The fact that he’s a non-horror fan becomes irrelevant after the conclusion that the game isn’t scary. After that, it’s just a regular review of the game.

• This is so easy to overlook, and don’t get me wrong - the video is great! But it just pays to think about what exactly someone who clicks on that specific title is expecting from the video.

Takeaway:

If your payoff happens at the end of your video… end the video. If it happens in the middle, set up/foreshadow another one. Otherwise, people have nothing concrete to stick around for.

2 - We’re all trapped…

Title: How did everything become a monthly fee?
Creator: Simon Caine
Average % viewed: 50.0%

Anyone else feel like they don’t use 50% of their subscriptions? 😬

What to repeat:

unusual set

• Despite the slightly janky visual style… I like it.

• It reminds me of a John Oliver-style set up which you don’t often see on YouTube.

• Simon’s videos are now living in my head rent-free because I’ve not seen many in this exact style.

• In a world where talking head videos often look pretty similar… aim to be different and see if it resonates!

b-roll

• B-Roll is used in various styles:

  • Full-screen B-Roll

  • It plays in a small, on-screen square (like a news show).

  • Deliberately low-effort greenscreen.

• Worth noting the first use of low-effort greenscreen happens at 12 seconds. This signposts to the audience what style the video is going to be, so they’re either on board or they’re not.

What to improve:

pace/pattern interrupt

• Sometimes pattern interrupt is good in this video - varied B-Roll, changing angles, etc.

• But the dropoff starts to worsen at 1:28.

  • At this point, the video remains on the same still image of some brightly coloured text for 20s.

  • Firstly, it’s hard to read, and secondly, it has a joke hiding in it, which distracted me from the point he was making.

  • By the time this segment is done, I’ve kinda lost the thread of conversation.

  • What follows then is nearly 100s of the creator sat talking to camera, with only a brief B-Roll interruption and not much else.

  • Because I’d already lost the thread, I found it even harder to sustain my interest with no pattern interrupt to give my brain a kick.

confusion

• The confusion mentioned above wasn’t the only moment for me.

• There are two random cutaways to the creator dressed as “Kevin” and “Barry”… but I didn’t understand why.

• There’s nothing wrong with having easter eggs that only subscribers will understand, but their contribution confused me.

• Even if you want to do an in-joke, try and make it partly accessible to everyone else by (for example) adding a subtitle that names them and gives them a comical occupation (etc).

• Their appearance made me feel slightly ‘outside the joke’.

Takeaway:

Your video doesn’t HAVE to emulate the style of other successful creators.

A brief interlude…

🔎 See all of my reviews in a single location.

The Retention Hub collects dozens of retention graphs and lets you filter by niche, views, retention problem, average view duration (%) and more.

Tired of guessing why people clicked away? Want to understand more about audience habits, pacing and storytelling?

This is the fastest way to supercharge your understanding of video retention to keep people watching you for longer.

And, as a thank you for reading my newsletter, you can get 50% OFF using the code RHUB50 (ends Feb 8th!)

🧠 Wanna learn more?

Just click below!

If you do decide to make the investment, don’t forget to use RHUB50 at the checkout to get 50% OFF!

Click Here!

Back to it…

3 - [golf-related pun, which I’ll think of later and remember to delete this bit for sure]

Title: Strangers Take Cash Prize if They Beat us in Golf
Creator: JnA Golf
Average % viewed: 34.6%

Sounds like a pretty good deal!

What to repeat:

editing/camerawork

• We’ve got multiple cameras, drone footage, and amusing cutaways - this is a fun video to watch, even as a non-golfer.

premise

• Challenging strangers for money is always a great premise, and these guys are super engaging on-camera as they interact with the challengers.

• But there’s a small problem with the execution…

What to improve:

stakes

• The stakes were kinda strange here.

• During the hook, the creator says “…while we try not to embarrass ourselves”, which kinda implies they aren’t actually very good at golf (and shows someone making a bad shot).

  • This, mixed with the forfeit being only $5 made the stakes feel low.

  • The implied result was: likely failure x low stakes = lacking tension.

  • This could explain the dropoff during S1.

• Then, it turns out the creator is actually a good player, which contrasts with the implication in the hook.

  • They then proceed to fairly easily start beating all the competitors, so now the tension has gone.

  • This could explain the dropoff during S2.

• During S3 there’s a genuinely close match going on, and the line is much straighter.

  • Maybe we could have spliced footage of this match throughout the video as a sort of B-plot to keep the stakes high.

Takeaway:

Be extremely careful about how you set up your premise during the hook. Don’t say something just because it sounds dramatic if it contradicts what happens later.

That’s all for this week.

Thanks for sending your graphs! You keep this newsletter alive!

Speak soon,

George 👋

Happy 10th edition!

3 months ago, I was struggling to think of something to write about.

I decided (out of desperation) to review retention graphs from videos I’d worked on.

It was fun, so I asked you to send some of YOUR graphs (not expecting anyone would).

Yet here we are, 10 issues later! Thank you all!!

I guess you never know when destiny’s gonna come a-callin’ 🥲

1 - Timing is everything…

Title: I Tested Minecraft Mobs To See Who's The Dumbest
Creator: AdvancedJus
Average % viewed: 53.0%

A new take on one of YouTube’s biggest videos…

What to repeat:

hook

• 87% at 30s is no joke! Study this hook and notice how succinct and clear it is about the video’s concept.

• It gives the necessary information in 3 sentences, then gets into the ‘meat’ after only 10s.

  • 1 - Here are the characters.

  • 2 - This is the concept.

  • 3 - Here’s what’s at stake.

• Still, there is bit of a dropoff until 3 mins, but I’ll talk about why soon.

introduces new stakes

• Additional stakes are added constantly.

• Once we think we know exactly what the video’s gonna do, the creator introduces new forms of peril (e.g. TNT falling from the sky) or gives the characters a chance to win a prize that gives them an advantage.

• So ask yourself - once my audience thinks they fully understand what’s gonna happen, how can I introduce another surprising element to ratchet up the tension?

concept

• Inverts an already popular concept.

Where Mr Beast’s real-life Squid Game challenged players to beat the game…

• …this creator pits a group of dumb AIs against each other, rewarding those who do the worst.

What to improve:

timing

• If this video had come out a year ago, it would have gotten 10x more attention.

• But the hype around Squid Game and Mr Beast’s video have died down.

• So why did people click away in the first 3 min? I suspect they recognised the Squid Game reference immediately and thought:

  • “Meh, that’s kinda 2022. I’ve already seen this done on a ridiculous budget.”

• Shortcut for finding current trends: download VidIQ* so you can curate lists of the most popular creators, then see which videos are getting the most views per hour NOW. Then it’s time to act fast.

*affiliate link

Takeaway:

Improve your chances of making a video go viral by finding a popular trend and putting your own spin on it, (e.g. invert the concept).

But be wary of ‘missing the boat’ - YouTube trends move quickly, and if you’re a year late, it’s not a trend anymore.

2 - Don’t cook a stranger.

Title: Asking Strangers To Cook Them Dinner In Their Kitchen
Creator: WyMow
Average % viewed: 38.6%

Would you let them in?

What to repeat:

concept

• This video has a great moral to it, and it’s nice to see a bunch of strangers all eating together ❤️

• Ask yourself - can I slide some kind of interesting moral, realisation or lesson into my video’s concept?

editing

• There’s so much personality in the edit.

• Cutting between the selfie-closeup camera angle and the wide shot makes us feel like we’re experiencing the conversation with Wyatt, AND seeing the moment in context.

• 1:25 made me spit out my coffee - you can easily ramp up the humour during the edit as they do here.

What to improve:

audio

• During the hook, the music drowns out his voice a little.

• Always be wary of this, especially during the hook or when crucial context is being established.

stakes

• Tension could have been heightened if we’d introduced some competition between the three guys.

• We know that none of them can cook, yet they’re all working together to try and find a house that will let them cook. The tension doesn't feel totally legit.

• Instead, what if they were all going to different houses and competing to see who could get a “yes” first, and whichever two failed to do so then have to do ALL the cooking?

See this recent example from Zac Alsop…

In Zac’s video, we know the loser is gonna have to do a forfeit, therefore the tension is incredibly high each time they speak to a homeowner.

• Whereas in this creator’s video, the fact that they get turned down repeatedly doesn’t really carry any tension.

Takeaway:

Make sure established character traits don’t undermine the point of tension.

A brief interlude…

🔎 See all of my reviews in a single location.

The Retention Hub collects dozens of retention graphs and lets you filter by niche, views, retention problem, average view duration (%) and more.

Tired of guessing why people clicked away? Want to understand more about audience habits, pacing and storytelling?

This is the fastest way to supercharge your understanding of video retention to keep people watching you for longer.

And, as a thank you for reading my newsletter, you can get 50% OFF using the code RHUB50.

🧠 Wanna learn more?

Just click below!

Click Here!

Back to it…

3 - *dodges bullets*

Title: Soft Reboots Are the Cowards Way Out!
Creator: Lobster Magnet's Review: The Channel
Average % viewed: 54.2%

This creator observes a new(ish) Hollywood trend…

What to repeat:

comparison/metaphor

• The creator was evidently spurred to make this video because of the Matrix reboot, but he smartly explains his points by comparison to other, similar franchises.

• Using direct metaphor/comparison in this way is good for 2 reasons:

  • It makes the arguments easier to understand because we have more points of familiarity to latch on to.

  • The video now encompasses a wider spectrum of the audience by multiplying the likelihood they’ll have seen at least one movie that’s been referenced.

b-roll/editing

• By referencing so many different aspects of pop culture, the video is able to use continuous and varied B-Roll.

• That B-Roll is used to reinforce points being made, e.g. by including interview footage.

storytelling

• Notice how every segment in this video is necessary for understanding the wider argument being made.

• When the creator discusses the ‘death of the movie star’, this isn’t just for the sake of doing so - it’s providing important context for the bigger picture.

What to improve:

odd pauses

• Occasionally, the creator runs out of breath during the voiceover (e.g. 1:14; 4:09) but doesn't re-record the sentence.

• This gives those moments a slightly bizarre quality that takes me out of the flow and interrupts the pace.

CTA

• The outro goes on too long after the final payoff.

• I understand the creator has to mention their patrons, but this is mixed in with a lengthy shoutout for another video, and then a request for liking, subscribing and watching ‘any other videos’ in the playlist.

• This is too much choice. If you want to optimise retention, pick 1 CTA and deliver it immediately after the payoff.

• If that CTA is to watch another video, choose something specific and make the viewer feel like they need to watch that video immediately.

Takeaway:

Using metaphor/comparison can make your videos easier to understand AND increase the number of viewers who are now personally familiar with the topic.

That’s all for now!

Enjoy your weekend 🙏

George 🎥

I’m excited to announce the launch of The Retention Hub - an ever-expanding library of YouTube retention graphs from 30+ niches.

This could be the fastest way to supercharge your understanding of video retention and keep people watching your videos for longer.

Learn More

But more on this at the end!

First, let’s get into 3 more reviews…

1 - A wise dog.

Title: I Magnet Fished 100 Miles of Ocean And Found This!
Creator: WifiEli
Average % viewed: 55.7%

He’s gonna find $50,000,000,000 using just a magnet.

What to repeat:

creating characters from nothing

• The creator meets a dog on the beach and imbues it with personality by describing its (made up) thoughts and motives.

• This then threads back into the story later when the dog is re-referenced.

• This is the advantage you have if you’re shooting a video that’s part-scripted, part-improvised - you can retroactively turn people/animals you met into characters that became crucial to the narrative.

• So ask yourself when you’re on location, “is there the potential to turn anyone into a character and thread them into the narrative of the overall video?”

storytelling

• Establishes the context of the video quickly.

• Plays with the tension by repeatedly implying we might be about to land on some big treasure.

• But, even when we don’t ever find it, he presents a nice moral - that the real treasures were the dogs (people, and forks) we meet along the way.

pacing

• Watch from the start and see what happens at 0:27.

• This video is another prime example that altering the pacing of your video makes it much more engaging because it causes pattern interrupt in our minds.

What to improve:

momentum

• Yes, I am just looking for another way to say ‘pacing’.

• Because as good as the pacing is for the most part, it slows a little too much during S3, which could be responsible for the drop.

• It’s important for your audience to get to know you, but I think it was slightly too indulgant between 1:28-1:46.

• I would have preferring going from “it’s not funny” straight into “Day 2…”

Takeaway

Comedy and personality are absolutely good things, but be careful they don’t impact momentum too much.

2 - It’s behind you!

Title: YOUR DOPAMINE ADDICTION IS RUINING YOUR LIFE
Creator: Staebo
Average % viewed: 15.2%

You heard the man!

What to repeat:

humour

• The highlight of the video is in the very last line.

• Outa nowhere, he puts on an U.S. accent and says “read a god dang book”.

• The problem is we don’t see much of this personality until the end (which I’ll talk about shortly).

What to improve:

background / framing

• People make snap judgements on your video, so certain visuals matter (regardless of your gear).

• In this case, the fist two things I notice is the messy background and the framing.

• Framing: there’s a lot of wasted white space above the creator.

• Background: this feels messy and unintentional. The creator is also at the same height as all the stuff, so he doesn’t stand out.

overusing fast cuts

• Relying too heavily on this technique makes the video feel unnatural.

• There are sometimes 2-3 fast cuts within single sentences.

• Yes, we want to cut out dead air, but don’t overuse this.

• Be aware (during filming) of how long it’s taking you to deliver each line. If it feels like you’ll need to cut a tonne of dead air with a sentence, just re-record the sentence.

repetition

• We don’t see much of his personality until the end, because the video spends a lot of time repeating similar information.

• I’m firmly of the opinion that 99% of creators should script talking head videos, because it stops you rambling and repeating yourself.

• Every sentence should be intentional, building on the last to contribute towards the overall point/story/narrative.

• I’m 100% certain this video wasn’t word-for-word scripted, and the result is too much repetition.

Takeaway

Spending a little extra time tidying your background and framing yourself well on camera could literally make or break retention - it gives an instant impression to the viewer.

3 - The power of your voice.

Title: The World's Biggest Megaprojects (2023)
Creator: BusinessLoop
Average % viewed: 40.1%

A skyscraper over 1km high…? 😳

What to repeat:

concept

• Big concepts like this are highly intriguing, and the video delivers on exactly what the title promises.

What to improve:

voiceover

• To me, it sounds generic and unenthusiastic… almost like an AI.

• We spoke above about pattern interrupt, and although this hook is written well, the delivery feels bland - I don’t feel like I’m going to have a good time.

• Unfortunately, people will always make a quick decision about whether to commit 7mins of their time to something, and the voice/person we’re spending it with will be a large factor.

storytelling

• The first minute of the video is almost entirely CGI/maps.

• But around 1 minute, we get some exciting, real footage of boats on the Bering Sea.

• Tension could have been dramatically increased by starting with this part.

  • e.g. “crews of X00 people have spent the last Y years on the Bering Sea, one of the world’s most dangerous bodies of water. But why? …”

• By reversing the order of information, not only do we create more intrigue, but it’s grounded in something more tangible because we’re seeing real and treacherous footage.

• Now, as a viewer, I’m wondering: “Why would anyone do that?!”

• Then we reveal the Bering Tunnel and explain more about it.

Takeaway

Ask yourself, “can I create more tension by reversing the order I reveal information?” Create intrigue first, and make the point second.

That’s all for this week, but I’m excited to talk a little more about…

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Speak soon!

George 👋

Why waste time, eh? We all know why you’re here 👀

1 - (Mi)stakes

Title: dumb ways to die but it actually happened
Creator: finn brown
Average % viewed: 34.5%

The title says it all!

What to repeat:

Overall Style

• I really like the deliberately awkward narration. It fits with the topic (and comforts me as a fellow Brit).

• Animation style goes well with the narration.

• The way the video looks and feels overall is perfect for this style.

What to improve:

Clarity (Intro)

• I don’t think the 6 seconds before you speak are needed.

• I get it’s a reference to the Darwin awards, but these haven’t been referenced yet.

• With the title “dumb ways to die but it actually happened”, I want to know right away that I’m gonna hear stories about silly deaths, but the cold open doesn’t reassure me of that.

• I trialled starting the video at 0:06 and I felt much more engaged.

• That way, you’re straight into setting up the context.

• I’m not officially advising this (it’s not my channel!), but I think you could cut those 6s in the YouTube editor and the video would be better for it.

Stakes

• It might seem silly to say a video about death feels like there are no stakes but…I did feel a lack of tension.

• These stories don’t feel like they carry any weight because I don’t know anything about who these people are.

• To me, these could well be made-up (I’m not saying they are, but they carry the same emotional weight as if they were).

• If we got a couple of lines of context before each story, I’d feel more invested.

See this example from Sam O'Nella Academy:

• Understanding why Tarrare can’t stop eating makes his compulsive eating make more sense, and we feel some emotional attachment.

• So, even though the people featured in Finn’s video may have seemingly done what they did for no good reason, I want to know just a little bit about who they are so their death carries some weight.

Takeaway

The audience won’t care about a character/concept without context for why they should.

2 - Show me the money!

Title: How to Start $3000/Week Cabinetry Woodworking Business
Creator: Extra Medium
Average % viewed: 25.2%

Wouldn’t that be nice?

What to repeat:

B-Roll

• Nice use of additional footage to show us the creator’s business in context.

What to improve:

Hook

• This video’s hook is way too slow:

  • Too much context (e.g. a full history of the business)

  • Too much information about the presenter (e.g. used to be a high school teacher).

  • No clear sense of when the information we came for is going to be given.

• If you’re using YouTube to promote your business, you don’t need to explain why we should trust you - you can show us.

• The B-Roll is a good step towards this but it’s overshadowed by minutes and minutes of unrelated information.

• If you get right into showing us your woodworking skill and explaining the business model in a concise manner, I’m going to presume credibility.

• When I click this video, I want to know “how do I make $3000 per week doing cabinetry?” The video needs to reassure me that that’s what I’ll learn immediately.

Compare to this example from JT Franco…

• Different industry, but the principles are the same - we wanna know how to make the money.

• Within 21 seconds, we’re reassured that we’re going to find out.

• Within 1 minute, we have an overview of the process, and JT assures us that he’s gonna divulge some insider tips to make as much money as possible from the process.

Takeaway

It isn’t necessary to explain your credentials to make people watch your video. Show them your credibility, and the right people will be back for more.

A brief interlude…

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The price of the database will increase when a certain number of graphs have been added, so this is definitely the best time to make the investment!

Keep an eye out next week 👀

…alrighty, back to it.

3 - Make it about ME

Title: The Truth About Iman Gadzhi’s Digital Renaissance
Creator: Zsomtor
Average % viewed: 20.8%

With fake gurus all over YouTube, is Iman Gadzhi any different?

What to repeat:

Pattern Interrupt

• Constantly switching rooms, switching angles, etc makes this video highly visually compelling.

Hook Editing

• Study this hook from an editing perspective!

• Notice all the extra effort that went into shooting the B-Roll.

• Plus how he uses text to punctuate his points, especially at 0:17 when the pace slows down for a second, the video goes black, and all we see is the text. See how this makes you really stop and listen.

What to improve:

Lighting

• Stylistically, I love this different approach of doing a lot of shots in dark rooms.

• But it’s a little too much like “The Long Night” for me to see what was going on.

Make it about ME

• Despite the great editing, the hook still sees a significant dropoff.

• The first sentence is “This is how watching Iman Gadzhi changed my life”.

• For me, this is too vague and doesn’t directly relate to the audience. We need to care about what’s going to happen in the video, but the first moment presents us with a non-specific transformation about someone who isn’t us.

• The audience needs to feel personally addressed from the start, when possible. (This creator actually did this in his latest video anyway!)

• Even if your video is about something specific to you, open with a direct question to the audience, or present the subject in a way that relates to something the viewer will care about.

Structure

• The video jumped around a little too much.

• It started as a “Step-by-step” guide, but then step 2 was presented as a question (“Step 2: Is it a scam?”)

• This might just be a case of choosing the wrong word, but it makes it less clear what the overall aim of the video is.

• It’s partly about Iman Gadzhi’s marketing, partly about what he teaches, and partly a commentary on the state of fake YouTube gurus.

• Overall, the purpose of the video isn’t presented in the clearest possible way.

• That being said, I’m so excited to see the videos Zsomtor is making in 3-6 months.

His style reminds me of this guy…

• If you haven’t watched a James Jani video yet, his storytelling is world-class. Definitely worth a watch to learn more about presenting information super clearly, and in logical order.

Takeaway

Make the audience feel personally addressed from the start.

That’s all for this week! Thanks as always for sending your graphs.

I have enough stored up to take us halfway through February, so if you didn’t see yours this week, I promise it’s coming sometime before then 😊

Remember…I’m launching The Retention Hub NEXT WEEK (I hope!!) so don’t miss out on your 50% discount code in next week’s issue.

Speak soon!

George 👋

Welcome back!

It’s the first retention review of 2023! We have some awesome case studies this week.

We’re talking about the importance of video vs audio, the problem with fast cutting, and how to fix retention after uploading.

And stick around til the end for some exciting news 😏

1 - Sound vs Video

Title: Bell's Theorem Proves That Our World is Quantum, it Cannot Be Mechanical
Creator: PhysicsLaure
Average % viewed: 38.8%

This video breaks down Bell’s Theorem in a way that even I could understand (mostly 😅)

What to repeat:

Style

• Breaking down science into digestible content is hard and all her videos do this well!

What to improve:

Audio

• When I was working for Ali, I remember it was drummed in over and over that getting a good mic is way more important than getting a good camera. This video proves that.

• The blurry audio is immediately noticeable and puts me off, sadly.

• That probably explains the 40%+ dropoff in S1.

Transitions

• The varied visuals are good, but the transitions between scenes sometimes feel a bit strange.

• Rather than smoothly transitioning from visual to visual, we fade to black almost every time, even mid-sentence occasionally. This affects the momentum.

• It would feel more natural to fade to black less frequently (maybe at the end of a segment) rather than at the end of a sentence.

Take this recent example from Kurzgesagt:

• Obviously, the visuals are absolutely world-class and incredibly difficult to emulate, but notice how natural the visual transitions feel.

• Rather than fading to black, they flow smoothly from one to the next.

• The information is delivered at a similar speed to Laure’s video, but the momentum feels more consistent because of the visuals.

2 - Cut, cut, cut…

Title: I Made $___ Selling AI Generated Art
Creator: Thomas Chow
Average % viewed: 42.5%

Thomas generates AI art and tries to sell it. But how much can he make in a month?

What to repeat:

Concept

• The video is fun.

• I liked the different approaches to making money, first with Fiverr, then by printing the art and selling it physically.

Hook

• Great opening 10s.

• It’s intriguing, there’s humour, and it provides great context for the video.

• Yes, there’s an overall steep drop over the first 40s, but this could be explained by what I’m about to discuss next…

What to improve:

Pacing

• The fast cutting feels overwhelming after a while.

• It isn’t terrible by any means, but it feels like the aim is to just cut, cut, cut to keep the momentum going - even cutting within sentences which gives the speech an unnatural feel at times.

• The fast cutting works well in the hook, but I would have liked to see things slow down for a second once the video properly started.

Take this recent example from Ryan Trahan:

• The hook is pacey (and timed to music which is really fun), but as soon as the hook finishes, you’ll notice the pace slows way down.

• The effect this has is that we feel excited and intrigued during the hook, but then we feel like we’re actually getting to know Ryan when the pace slows.

• It also causes pattern interrupt which re-engages our minds.

• Whereas in Thomas’s video, the non-stop cutting made me feel like we were rushing to get through the content.

• At the start of S3 we’re still racing through the information. This may have contributed to the dropoff.

3 - Edit after upload…

Title: I Bought HDZero Goggles, This Is What They're Like
Creator: Darren Allatt
Average % viewed: 49.3%

Darren’s review of these HDZero goggles had a bit of an early dropoff… so he took action to fix it!

What to repeat:

Additional cuts

• You’ll notice some classic early dropoff in S1, but Darren wasn’t satisfied with that.

• He realised he’d spent so much time giving context, he wasn’t talking about what people really cared about (the review) until 0:38.

• He’d given a full rundown of everything that would be covered in the video, as well as taking an additional 10s to introduce himself and explain what to expect from his channel.

• Important info? Yes and no. But definitely not worth spending 27s on.

• Through the YouTube editor, he cut out this whole segment, and the review now begins at 0:11.

• And from that point, retention is mostly completely flat. There’s great switching between A-Roll and B-Roll, shots of the product, footage of the drone flight, etc. It’s a great review.

Lesson to be learned here - it’s not too late to make changes once the video is uploaded.

• It may not always be possible, but it’s worth checking your retention after a few days and figuring out if you can cut anything that doesn’t serve the video overall.

What to improve:

CTA

• Darren asks twice in this video for people to comment, but doesn’t direct them to another video at the end.

• This comes down to personal choice, but I would usually recommend pointing people to the next video you’d like them to watch.

• Choose a video that covers a similar topic, or which reveals information the viewer feels like they want (but still don’t have) after watching your current video.

• This increases the likelihood the audience will keep watching your content, increases their session time, and indicates to the algorithm that your videos are worth pushing to more viewers (because they keep people on the platform for longer).

That’s all for this week!

But there’s one last thing…

📈 Retention Graph Database

I’m launching this brand-new database in the next few weeks.

Every retention graph I’ve ever reviewed, all in one place.

Search by niche, by AVD%, by views, by video length, or even just by scrolling through the graphs themselves!

There will be discounts for you (as a loyal reader!) PLUS even bigger discounts for anyone who’s ever contributed a graph.

More info soon 😁

See you next week!

George 👋

I’m sneaking into your inbox one last time before 2023 because… 🤭

Now’s your chance to send me your retention graphs for review!

I break down three graphs (📈) every week to help you understand what caused people to click away (and what worked, too).

While I charge for my other scripting services, this one is absolutely free of charge (and always will be) because I couldn’t write this newsletter without you!

It’s an opportunity for you to get some free advice from a guy who has previously written for the likes of Ali Abdaal (3.6m) and Noah Kagen (500k) and currently writes with Film Booth (246k) and Creator Wizard (43k).

PLUS, if you’ve ever been featured in Write On Time, you’ll get 75% OFF my new retention graph database which I’m launching in 2023 🚀

You can send your graphs by replying to this email, or by DMing me on Twitter. Screenshot the graph + link your video 👍

Thanks! Wishing you and your families a happy new year! 😊

George 👋

Welcome to the final Retention Review of 2022! 🎄

When I started this new series a couple of months ago, we had 85 people reading the newsletter… that’s now grown to 200+.

I never expected so many people to offer up their data, so thanks to everyone who got involved - you’ve made this newsletter possible 🥺

Is there anything you need from me? Or any questions you have? Just let me know :)

And with that, let’s look at 3 more videos… 🥳

1 - Clarity of concept

Title: Meet The World’s Richest Comedian
Creator: Joel Byars
Average % viewed: 49.4%

I love Joel’s content - a comedian making video essays on other comedians. Well worth your time.

Let’s take a look at his latest video…

What to repeat:

Structure.

Joel hides the identity of the richest comedian until the last 40% of the video.

• The first 60% showcases other (increasingly) rich comics, which is gripping in its own right.

• We’re shocked at how much each makes, so we’re excited to find out who makes more (and how). The tension builds and builds.

• Bridging sentences between each comedian keep that tension going.

  • e.g. “but the actual [highest] number is crazy!”

Editing

Taking the time to shoot additional B-Roll can 2x a video.

• Footage of Joel taking a seat at his computer / typing on his phone give the video more depth.

• Pacing + editing are great… video has a constant forward momentum.

What to improve:

Clarity of concept.

The intro confused me, but I didn’t realise it had until 2mins in.

• At first I thought “meeting the world’s richest comedian is easier said than done” implied you were going to try to physically meet them.

• I soon realised this wasn’t the case, but it still wasn’t 100% clear what the structure of the video going to be.

• I understand, in hindsight, that the opening phrase means “figuring out who the richest comedian is… is easier said than done”, but this was slightly lost.

• Once the intro gave way to discussing Kevin Hart, I assumed he was the richest comedian and that this was gonna be a video essay about him.

• As a side point, the intro mentions the richest is a “he”, which makes the Ellen segment seem less important because we know it’s not her.

  • This could explain the spike at the start of segment 4 - people skipping her bit.

• Clarity is crucial in the first 10-15s, and a lack of understanding of the structure could have contributed to the dropoff in segments 1-3.

2 - And this, but that…

Title: Winston Churchill : The Mastermind Behind Bengal Famine
Creator: Harsh Raval
Average % viewed: 26.0%

This feels like a well-made TV documentary in bite-sized form.

Retention is consistent for the last ~7mins, which is awesome.

But the problem is in the hook.

What to repeat:

Storytelling.

Segment 2 feels like a great documentary.

• We’re told about Bengal in the context of WWII. It’s gradually revealed how Churchill impacted the country. It’s well-researched and well-told.

• Having the video broken up into ~2min chapters makes each point feel digestible.

What to improve:

Hook.

The tension needs to be introduced earlier in the hook.

• The intro spends more than a minute recounting Churchill’s current reputation.

• But this leads to a lot of “and then, and then, and then”.

• This mode of storytelling isn’t quite engaging enough… we need to get to the “BUT” sooner → “And this, but that.”

• We’ve understood within about 10s what the pervasive view of Churchill is, so we need to be told that it’s wrong much sooner.

• Currently, the intro lasts 90s, by which point we’ve lost 70% of the audience.

3 - Taking the “list” out of “listicle”

Title: This will make you want to buy a sketchbook
Creator: Design. Draw. Do.
Average % viewed: 33.0%

If you’re not into drawing, I’m pretty sure this video will convince you.

I’ve chosen not to break this graph up because there’s a fairly consistent dropoff across the video, which comes down to one problem.

What to repeat:

Tone.

This is a relaxing watch.

• Relaxed presentation.

• Varied + interesting sketchpad B-Roll.

• Vibeular music

  • (Yes, “vibeular” is made up, but it’s going to catch on. This video is the very definition of “vibeular”.)

What to improve:

Giving the game away.

This a really easy trap to fall into because it feels like the most natural way to present information.

• But starting each segment by straight up telling us the reason why having a sketchbook is good means we can skip ahead to the next point.

  • Although getting additional context with nice B-Roll is ok, we no longer need to watch it because we already understood the whole segment.

But how else can you approach a listicle?

• Instead, we could start each segment with some relatable context, then reveal the point later.

• For example, the segment about using drawing to reduce screen time could start with something like:

  • “This next point came about when I realised how much time I spend staring at screens,” or…

  • “If you had to guess, how much time do you think you spend on your phone each day?”

• Something like this re-engages the audience because you’re making them think about something they’ll resonate with.

• Then, once we’ve used that to give context to the point, show that this is another reason they should buy a sketchbook.

One last thing…

Another huge thank you to everyone who read the newsletter this year!

When I went freelance in July, I didn’t really have a plan.

But I started this newsletter just to see what would happen, and I couldn’t be more pleased with how it’s gone so far.

Alongside my client work, I love having this lovely little group of people to discuss YouTube with.

2023 IS GONNA BE GREAT.

I’ve got a few more freebies coming, as well as some other little projects I’m excited about.

(Btw, my script review service sold out this week, but I’ve sneakily added 2 more to Gumroad. Although the price has increased, if you use the discount code XMAS300 you’ll still be able to get it for the original $300.)

Thanks everyone, and happy holidays!

George 👋❄️

We know that a strong hook is crucial for high retention, which is why I’ve placed this picture here.

Let’s be real, you probably didn’t even read the first sentence.

This is Instagram superstar Teddington who my girlfriend and I got to walk last week - Christmas is officially around the corner! 🎄

As an early gift, I’ve got three more Retention Reviews for you! Let’s hit it 🎁

1 - That Sounds Familiar…

Title: START TODAY: How SEO Works
Creator: Exposure Ninja
Average % viewed: 41.3%

This video does what it says on the tin…

I’ve broken it down to make it easier to analyse, and I want to focus on these 3 segments.

(Ignore the dip in S4 - it’s basically an ad read)

S1 loses about 30% of the audience, whereas S2 and S3 only lose 5-10%.

That’s because S2 and S3 do something really well that S1 doesn’t.

Segment 2:

1. Shows us something familiar → how Google search results page looks different now vs 5 years ago

2. Provides recognisable and urgent stakes → unless you know how to utilise this, your website CTR will decrease

3. Promises to help us overcome those stakes → “yes please, tell me more!”

If you’re making a listicle video, every segment is like a mini video in itself. So it needs all the components of a full video (hook, stakes, resolution, etc) if you don’t want people to skip forward or leave.

Watch S3 and you’ll see it has the same components as I’ve just described in S2.

It lets the audience know WHY they should care before being offered more information (or a solution).

On the other hand, S1 does this:

1. The creator starts by telling us how THEIR business uses AI.

2. They mention some possibly inaccessible AI jargon.

3. They discuss AI’s use case.

It just needs a little restructuring.

Make the audience know why they should care or show them the topic in a context they’ll recognise before explaining the nuances.

For example:

• “You may be worried that AI copywriting is putting your job/business/website at risk…”

• “You may have seen articles about AI recently…”

• “You may have seen people tweeting about AI copywriting recently…”

By grounding this segment in something the audience resonates with, the video could have avoided making some viewers feel left outside the conversation.

2 - Sticking To The Plan

Title: Why It's Almost Impossible To Gain 63lbs In A Month
Creator: Theory Y
Average % viewed: 58.6%

In this video, we learn about a bodybuilders crazy routine to gain huge amounts of muscle.

I haven’t divided the graph up because I want to speak about my overall thoughts, rather than isolating specific moments.

This video’s concept is super compelling, even for people like me who aren’t into bodybuilding.

But it makes a similar mistake to the first video in its hook.

It opens by saying that “[Athlete X] achieved [Y] in [Z] days…BUT HOW?!”

The problem is: I don’t instinctively know how difficult “Y” is without context.

Gaining 63lbs in a month sounds pretty outrageous, but so do most of the feats professional bodybuilders achieve.

The hook should focus more on why it’s so hard to achieve this or why it was previously thought impossible, before showing us the case study.

The second problem is that… we don’t ever really find out the answer to the question in the title, because the video changes tack and becomes more about learning how to follow a similar workout routine to the bodybuilder in question.

It’s a highly intriguing video, and the folks who happen to be interested in learning a new workout will stick around anyway.

But for those who came for an answer to the question, it gradually becomes clear that the video has strayed and that we won’t find out.

It’s well made and I had a blast watching the first half, but I don’t leave feeling like I got an answer to the question I clicked for.

A Brief Interlude…

🔧 Free Templates for YouTube Scriptwriters

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos.

Check out my free resources for YouTube scriptwriters here ✍️

Back To It…

3 - The Big Moment

Title: I Spent $10,000 at the Chantilly Card Show
Creator: Breakout Cards
Average % viewed: 56%

In this video, we see the creator attending a huge baseball card trading event in Chantilly while negotiating some bargains.

Let’s break the graph down again.

Segment 1:
Fairly standard early dropoff.

71% isn’t bad, but the hook has just a little too much information for me.

I want to know: where you are, how long for, and what exciting items you’re hoping to find.

We could intersperse the hook with some B-Roll of the event. Or what about showing small segments of upcoming deals where we hear him make an offer, then cut away before we hear whether the dealer accepts it?

The start of the big $6800 deal might have been the one to show here, to keep people excited to see that deal later in the video.

This creator told me he also trialled cutting straight to the first deal on other videos, but this actually worsened his early retention. I could believe that, as I do like getting a little intro to set up who we’re spending the video with and where we are, but implementing the above suggestions could be a way of making it shorter and more engaging.

Segment 2:
Mostly consistent retention.

S2 has some nice pace switching and pattern interrupt.

We see plenty of deals being done as well as hearing from a couple of dealers about the cool history of their cards.

This is also interspersed with calmer establishing shots of the event which breaks up the content and makes us feel like we’re experiencing both the micro (specific deals) and the macro (seeing the whole event).

Varying the pace of your video like this naturally creates and then RELEASES tension, which creates nice little dopamine hits throughout the video.

It also causes a regular pattern interrupt which reengages any minds that might have started to wander.

Segment 3:
Consistent dropoff over time.

In S3, things felt suddenly way slower.

The biggest deal of the day (spending $6800) was mainly footage of cards being counted and took up over 3mins of the video.

I like that we saw the deal being done in context (checking everything adds up, counting the cards etc), but it just felt too long and like it should have been more exciting.

It comes back to the same thing we’ve talked about above - I need to know why I should care before I’ll give someone 3 minutes of my time.

And I didn’t know much about this deal until after it concluded.

He could try adding voiceover during exciting deals like this to explain a little more about the cards being bought and why they’re so valuable.

On paper, this should have been the ‘biggest moment’ of the video, but it lasted a little too long and without enough context.

That’s it for this week!

Thanks to everyone who sent me a video and allowed me to share their data publicly - you’re helping us all learn more together!

If you’d like me to review your retention graphs or have any other questions, DM me on Twitter.

You can also find my Notion templates for YouTube scriptwriters here and my (discounted!) script review service here.

Speak soon,

George 🕺

A freelancing decision I made last week has cost me over $1000.

It also taught me, without a doubt, the best lesson I’ve learned since becoming a freelancer.

I’m not doing my usual Retention Review this week because, as a result of The Decision™️, I’m gonna be working hella late tonight 🤦‍♂️

But don’t feel sorry for me - Freelancing 101 means owning your decisions, and no one put me in this position except me! 😁

Let’s talk about it.

The Decision

About a month ago, I made the choice to take the week of November 21st off.

I was feeling pretty burned out after 4 months of working continuously and knew I needed it.

Then I got an offer to write a script for a pretty big YouTuber (and for good money).

So this is what happened inside my brain:

1. I like writing scripts.

2. I like this YouTuber.

3. Their communications have been extremely gracious.

4. Nothing like a little extra cash to enjoy on your week off.

5. I’m writing this script WOOHOO!

The Result

When working with a client for the first time, a little time is always lost in the meta-game of trying to figure out how you jive.

As a result (and as I should have predicted), the collaborative process of actually writing the script took longer than planned. Much longer.

It extended throughout the entire ‘week off’…

…it was on my mind over the weekend…

…and then it pushed over into Monday this week.

Before I knew it, I was having to push other client work back into next week (thank goodness I work with such nice people; they were super understanding).

But this meant I was actively losing money that I would normally expect to have earned in a normal week.

By Wednesday, I had lost exactly as much money in usual client work as I had made from the additional script.

By Friday, as I came to finish the script, I had actually lost more in regular client income than I had made from the script.

Don’t get me wrong, this new client has been extremely graceful from start to finish, and I’ve gotten to work on a cool channel that I liked! No one forced me to do the script, and it was a fun project.

But I couldn’t shake my frustration at now feeling more burned out than ever, as well as having made less money than I would have if I’d spent my week off literally staring at a wall 😅

But I’m sure I’m not alone in having felt like this…

A lot of freelancers struggle to switch off. They struggle to turn down work. They struggle to think clearly when the option to collaborate with cool people comes up.

Many would probably say this is a good thing - if you really love your craft, you should be willing to make sacrifices.

And actually, I don’t regret the decision to write the script at all. I’ve met some awesome new people AND learned a much-needed lesson about forcing myself to have boundaries.

Having said that, I hope I remember my own advice next time I’m faced with a similar choice…

The Lesson

If you say you’re having a week off… have a week off.

That’s all for this week! Back to Retention Review next week.

Let me know how you deal with setting your own boundaries as a freelancer, either in reply to this email or on Twitter.

All the best,

(a very tired) George 😴

Happy belated-Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it! This year, I’m thankful for everyone who’s joined me on this little YouTube scripting journey 🙌

If you want me to review your retention graphs in a future issue, just DM me on Twitter!

I currently have graphs stored up for the next 3-4 weeks, so if you already messaged me then you’ll definitely be featured by the end of 2022 😅

Before we get into it…

📈 I’ll review your script BEFORE you film it…

I love reviewing your retention curves…

But if you’ve worked hard on a script, I want to help make it the best it can be BEFORE it goes live.

My YouTube Script Review is currently at the discounted price of $300. The price will increase to $500 in the New Year.

If you’d like to learn more, check out the service below:

Review My Script!

For now, let’s look at some graphs…

1 - Too Much Context

Title: 2 Simple Tools to Unlock Your Magic Potential
Creator: Erudite Magic
Average % viewed: 42.0%

What worked:

• CTA was fantastic - watch from 10:06.

• Personality comes through in the editing itself.

What I would change:

1 - Too much context

• The first two minutes boil down to this: “Anyone is capable of great ideas”.

• So although we get some great bursts of personality in this segment, it doesn’t need to be this long.

• Example at 0:52-1:02 - it’s fun seeing your personality in the editing, but it significantly slows down the information delivery.

• It’s 3 minutes before we arrive at the first point of the video, by which point over 50% have clicked away.

2 - Points are easily understandable

• If your retention graph has dips like this, it indicates two things:

  • People are skipping ahead to that moment (hence the sudden spike)

  • But, on arrival, realising they don’t need to keep watching that part (hence the sudden drop)

• In this video, Jeff’s points are:

  • 1: “Write down your ideas”

  • 2: “Practise magic with trusted friends who’ll give you feedback”

• People are evidently skipping ahead to the tip delivery, but finding they totally understand the points being made in an instant, so feel they can either skip ahead or leave.

3 - Video Recap

• Summarising the video at the end is almost always a retention killer.

• TL;DR - don’t do it 😅

• However, as above, the CTA is done brilliantly once the recap is over.

Additionally, I would have loved to see a little more organic B-Roll that was more personal to Jeff. Nothing wrong with using stock footage to keep the visuals varied, but I would have enjoyed seeing Jeff in-situ discussing magic with friends, or actively doing more of the things that were being described, just to keep that personal touch going.

2 - The SECOND Payoff

Title: I Purchased Baby RONALDINHO!
Creator: LadToDad
Average % viewed: 51.7%

What worked:

• Editing is brutal - he evidently cuts out a lot to keep the pace going.

• Varied pace - switching from quick cuts to longer pauses (e.g. at 0:54) allow us time to share his emotion.

What I would change:

Your video should always be building towards a payoff. This video clearly foreshadows its FIRST payoff, which keeps us watching. But the SECOND payoff is never hinted at, which might explain the second half of the graph…

• This video is ultimately about buying Ronaldinho (for non-football folk, he’s often considered the best player of all time)

  • The first 3:30 are building towards that payoff.

  • As that tension builds, retention is highly consistent.

  • The editing is pacey, the presenter is funny, and we’re looking forward to the moment we glimpsed in the hook, where he buys the player.

• Once Ronaldinho is bought, my brain naturally wants to see him in action on the pitch, and this is where the first dip could be explained.

  • Because we then see 2+ mins of team admin. This isn’t inherently bad but…

  • We no longer have a promised payoff to look forward to - we hope we’ll see Ronaldinho play, but it’s no longer clear what we’re building towards.

  • Retention dips, and we see spikes as people click around looking for the next moment Ronaldinho will become the focus of the video.

• This might explain the sudden spike around 8min.

  • This is the moment Ronaldinho is seen on the pitch, scoring a brilliant goal.

  • This is the second payoff we’ve been looking for, but weren’t told about.

• This, in turn, explains the dropoff at the end.

  • We’ve now seen Ronaldinho bought and played, and we don’t really have anything we NEED to stick around for anymore.

Additionally, I think this video ends quite abruptly. This creator asked me about how to increase their overall views, and one suggestion is providing a clear CTA (call to action) where he tells his viewers which video to watch next.

The algorithm rewards creators who create longer viewer “session times” (i.e. time their audience spends on the platform watching videos), so if you can encourage people to watch even one more of your videos before they close YouTube, this will cause your content to be pushed out to more people.

3 - Sell The Result

Title: How to Play Salsa Montuno on Piano
Creator: Jazzmentl
Average % viewed: 36.6%

What worked:

• Extremely personable opening

• Great tutorial

What I would change:

It’s a similar story to the first video in many ways.

We see retention spike right at the moment Paul begins explaining the first steps of the tutorial.

Some people will consistently skip any sort of intro on a tutorial, regardless of how good it is.

But I think there are some ways we could alter this hook to keep a few more people watching.

Suggestion 1 - Show them the result

A video like this is selling a result. So maybe there’s a way to show a glimpse of that result up-front.

When “Latin Montuno” is mentioned, or any other keywords relating to the title, it might be nice to see some B-Roll of Paul playing it. The music that plays over the intro is great for setting the scene, but if we could actually cut away and see it being played, that’s a nice visual variation coupled with clearly showing the transformation the audience will go through.

Or how about setting the scene with some B-Roll of people actually Salsa dancing? Rather than just explaining why this type of music is so useful, show them the music in context and get them excited to learn.

Suggestion 2 - Be conscious of search vs browse

The title of this video seems quite search-focused. This means it’s more likely that people are going to be searching for a video like this, rather than YouTube pushing it through browse features.

Therefore, I don’t think we need as much explanation about why you might want to play this style of music - I assume most people watching already know why they want to play it!

By trimming down this sort of explanation, we can get into the meat a bit faster.

Additionally, the dip at the end occurs when Paul is playing the whole song as a demo, but I don’t think this is an issue.

Yes, it will have lost some people, but several people in the comments really enjoyed this bit. And, ultimately, the most important thing is getting people to watch the next video you release. If they truly enjoyed one video, you can bet they’ll be back for the next.

That’s all for this week.

Once again, feel free to DM me on Twitter with your retention curve if you’d like to feature in a future newsletter.

George 👋

As we know, improving retention on YouTube is a neverending game with extremely flexible rules.

How you try and fix retention depends on your niche, your audience, and your goals.

One video I reviewed this week had a 33% dropoff within 30s and had lost 66% of the audience by around halfway… yet this creator consistently ranks top of search within their niche and pulls in hundreds of thousands of views.

Another had over 70% retention after 7mins, yet ignored almost every “rule” I’d provided in previous weeks.

What works for one niche won’t always work for yours.

So let’s talk about these videos…

1 - Victim of its own success?

Title: TOP 20 BEST NEW SEEDS For MINECRAFT 1.19! (Minecraft Bedrock Edition Seeds)
Creator: Minecraft & Chill
Average % viewed: 27.1%
Problem: Too…chill?

To my mind, this video is exactly what it needs to be.

• Neatly written with a nice turn of phrase.

• Deliberately calm where other creators in this niche shout in your face.

• I feel relaxed as I watch it.

The curve is naturally going to be a little spikey with a top-20 video because people click around to find what they want. Nonetheless, there’s still a problem with retention during the hook.

Here are some suggestions based on things I saw other creators in this niche doing.

• You could include your face for short periods.

• While keeping that calming tone of voice, you could try being a little more energetic during the first 10s, or use slightly more bombastic language.

• I noticed all the videos on this channel start with a slightly passive “imagine if your Minecraft world had…” - maybe this could be traded out for a more active “these ARE the 20 best Minecraft worlds…”

Also…

Don’t open with your least interesting example.

I felt the first seed example wasn’t particularly exciting, especially compared to the footage we’ve been shown of what’s to come - this could have had people skipping ahead to more interesting seeds.

Ultimately, a video like this might be a victim of its own success. The very point of it is for people to watch, find a seed they like, and then take it away to go play the game. It’s still ranking high in search so I wouldn’t worry too much.

2 - A Little Less Repetition… 🕺

Title: I Reached Round 100 With 0 Kills
Creator: Zamby
Average % viewed: 53.7%
Problem: Repetition (kinda)

This video:

• Sets up the premise brilliantly.

• Gives all necessary context.

• Cleverly foreshadows multiple events to come (1:00, 1:16, 1:37)

  • This is a great alternative to actually showing footage from later.

But there is a drop-off around 4:00.

This happens when the creator dies for the first time and loses the challenge.

To be honest, I enjoyed the comedy value in showing a montage of his apparent recovery only to see him immediately die again.

But I think this might have made the video feel like too much effort for the audience.

“We’ve gotta get through all 100 rounds again?”, they ask impatiently.

I noticed that on later deaths, he cut straight back to the same level of progress on his next try, so it didn’t feel like we were having to witness the same thing happening again. During these moments, retention seemed almost perfect.

The takeaway for me is that some people are super impatient, so finding the sweet spot between varying the pace with comedy and showing only new information is paramount.

A Brief Interlude…

🔧 My YouTube Script Template

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos. And it certainly helps to have little reminders about what I’m trying to achieve at each point in the script.

So if you’d like the template I use to write for YouTubers, click here. It’s free!

My YouTube Script Template

Back To It…

3 - Check out THIS retention curve

Title: I Got an Elite Clue from EVERY Wilderness Boss - Clue Scroll Only Ironman #102
Creator: Only Trails
Average % viewed: 64.1%

This video surprised me.

• It starts with a title card that goes on for nearly 10s.

• The creator is playing a game over 2 decades old.

• He doesn’t explain what the video is about until after 30s.

But get a load of this retention graph 😍

Ignoring the dip during the sponsored segment, this video has:

• 80% after 30s.

• 70% after 7:30

• 65% after 14:30

My theory? It’s this:

Highly specific niche x Strong core idea x Time

People who come to watch these videos are not passing viewers - they’re a community.

• The game is 21 years old, so those still playing are evidently hardcore fans and extremely dedicated.

• The core idea of the series clearly resonates with the audience, because it’s the 102nd video in a playlist spanning four years. Evidently, they keep coming back for more.

• Therefore, he’s had plenty of time to figure out what his audience wants and cater to it.

You only have to look at the comments to see the dedication to this series.

So while the answer “it just takes time” isn’t always nice to hear, videos like this show the compound effect of gradually refining your content to suit your audience over time - especially if that audience is niche.

That’s all for this week.

Thanks as always for sending your retention curves. If yours wasn’t featured this week, I promise I’ll get to it soon 😅

DM me on Twitter if you want me to review yours.

Have a lovely weekend!

George 👋

Coming up, we’ll be discussing payoffs, video outros, and whether the core concept of your video is good enough.

Thanks, as always, to everyone who sent their retention curves! 🙏

If you’d like me to review yours in a future newsletter you can DM me on Twitter :)

For this week’s review, I’m adjusting how I do things slightly.

1. Reducing the number of reviews from 5 to 3 (more focus on each)

2. Writing each review as though speaking directly to the creator (which feels less cold and unfeeling 😅)

3. Giving less away on Twitter (because my newsletter subscribers deserve extra value!)

Before we get into it, I wanted to offer you something…

📈 I’ll review your script BEFORE you film it…

I love reviewing your retention curves…

But if you’ve worked hard on a script, I want to help make it the best it can be BEFORE it goes live.

My YouTube Script Review currently has only 2 slots left at the discounted price of $300. Once they’re gone, the price will increase to $500.

If you’d like to learn more, check out the service below:

Review My Script!

For now, let’s get into it…

1 - Unclear Payoff

Title: Find the Shiny or BOIL the Pokemon Cards!
Creator: Kanin Games
Average % viewed: 38.0%
Problem: We can’t clearly SEE the payoff in action.

Pros:

• The concept is great.

• You’re super likeable

• The video is really fun to watch.

Suggestion 1 - Get people excited for the payoff.

People need to be invested in seeing the eventual payoff. Try to tease that payoff early.

• In this case, you did tease the payoff…but there was a fairly crucial problem…

  • Sadly, the footage of the boiling cards was overexposed.

  • People are savages and ultimately they clicked this video to see the cards boiling. That’s the payoff. So getting a good shot of that moment is crucial.

  • A fair bit of footage was overexposed during the hook, so this may all have contributed to an early drop off.

Suggestion 2 - Reiterate the stakes

It never hurts to remind the audience why they should care and what’s at stake.

• Once the video begins we should be reminded of the stakes a little more often.

• In the first 2 mins, I’d have liked to have checked back in with you and see you reiterate how much you DON’T want to lose the card.

• Combine that with cutting to the timer more, adding ticking SFX, etc. Something visual to remind the audience how urgent the mission is.

Suggestion 3 - Mini-payoffs

Having smaller payoffs throughout any video is good for retention. If the audience has to wait for the end before the tension is released, they’ll get bored/frustrated and leave.

You want to litter your video with a bunch of small ‘wins’ for the audience.

• We need to see the cards boiling throughout the video (each time you give them to Jeffrey), because…

  • It shows us the stakes in action within the first 2-3 mins

  • It proves you’re really doing what you said you’d do.

  • We see your reaction (which increases tension for the rest of the video - we know you REALLY don’t wanna lose more)

  • Having mini-payoffs like this throughout the video might have helped retention.

2 - (Slightly) Overstaying Your Welcome

Title: The Poker Hand That Changed My Life | Degen Diaries 6
Creator: Bitty Plays Poker
Average % viewed: 51.4%
Problem: Too much outro chatter.

Pros:

• Straight-line retention (until the end).

• Clearly resonates with poker fans.

Suggestion - Outro Spiel:

The right video in the right niche can have a longer outro. But you need to be careful about how much you include in it.

This is a good example which contradicts the usual wisdom of ‘finish the video and get out’.

Because although we see a dropoff during the 2min outro, hearing your reflections on the lost poker hand is very much part of the video.

I think the issue was simply that we heard the same reflections repeatedly.

The interesting info for me is:

• How you feel (bad)

• Why you feel bad (lost $220 /$1220 from the peak)

• How you’re dealing with it (McDonald’s)

That’s a three-act story in itself, and very much a valuable part of the video.

Your video is a great example that ending the video with reflections and personality is ok in the right niche and given the right context. You just need to be more brutal with which bits you cut.

A Brief Interlude…

🔧 My YouTube Script Template

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos. And it certainly helps to have little reminders about what I’m trying to achieve at each point in the script.

So if you’d like the template I use to write for YouTubers, click here. It’s free!

My YouTube Script Template

Back To It…

3 - Is The Idea Strong Enough?

Title: If you ever see this on a GAS PUMP at the gas station call 911 IMMEDIATELY!! (STROMEDY INSPIRED)
Creator: Effxayy
Average % viewed: 14.9%
Problem: Core concept.

Pros:

• Valuable message

Suggestion 1 - Core Concept:

The most important thing for any YouTube video is whether the core concept is worth making a video about.

• In this case, I don’t think the core concept (in its current form) warrants making an 8 minute video.

• You provided the entire payoff within the first 30s, which probably explains why 45% of people left in that time.

  • After the hook, we don’t learn anything new.

• The message you’re giving is incredibly valuable, but the first 15s could have been a tweet and that would have provided the same value as the whole video.

• I don’t want to knock it too much, because the video has 44,000 views, and you’ve probably saved a few people from trouble!

• But the video needs to have something else interesting to stick around for, rather than seeing you repeat how dangerous the needle is (because we already assume this is the case).

Suggestion 2 - Filler Words:

Figure out your “filler words” and try to reduce them when filming.

This may be a personal nitpick, but the repetition of “guys” became a bit distracting.

I checked the transcript, and you say “guys” 62 times in 8 minutes 😅

This may sound irrelevant, but it slows the video down a little.

That’s all for this week!

Thanks so much to everyone who sent their retention curves - I promise I’ll get around to them all eventually.

Once again, feel free to DM me on Twitter with your retention curve if you’d like to feature in a future newsletter.

Have a great weekend!

George 👋

Last week I wrote about 5 scriptwriting mistakes I’ve made over the last year that affected retention on videos I’ve worked on.

The newsletter had a pretty low open rate and minimal interaction, but I converted it into a tweet thread anyway, not expecting much.

It was my most successful thread ever:

During that thread, I asked you to send me your retention curves to review.

And having gone from 888 followers to over 1100 in 24 hours, I had a lot of submissions :)

This week, I’m going to review 5 and give my thoughts on why retention may have dropped.

Huge props to everyone that submitted and gave their permission for me to give some critical feedback in public. That takes some bravery!

Keep in mind, I’m not an expert in every niche I’m reviewing here, but having written dozens of scripts for multiple creators, I’m giving you my best bet as to what I think might have turned viewers off.

Lets go!

1 - Low Stakes

Title: I Spent 48 Hours In Croatia’s Most Expensive City With Only $100
Creator: Ollie Kirk
Average % viewed: 56.9%
Problem: Stakes seem low (and a little arbitrary)

This video was great fun, but the main issue was that there was no real point of tension.

Trying to spend ‘only’ $100 across 48 hours just doesn’t seem that difficult, and he never seems close to failing.

The video is well-made, and Ollie has clear YouTube ‘instincts’…

But think about whether the concept will create intrigue.

My reaction to I Survived on $0.01 for 30 Days → “what, but how?!”

My reaction to this → “I reckon I could manage that”

So my question is…do people actually want Ollie’s videos to have artificially inflated stakes?

To me, the fact that he’s travelling around the world makes the videos interesting enough without making them ‘challenges’.

Instead, could there be more of a focus on storytelling? He created a great ‘character’ out of the zipline guy and almost did the same with the ice cream guy.

Are any of Ollie’s colleagues going to appear regularly who we could get to know a little better?

Are there any little 3-act stories which emerge during the day-to-day?

That’s the video I’d like to see.

2 - Confusing Stakes

Title: If My Wife Wins In Overwatch 2, I Get A TATTOO!
Creator: Catfluent
Average % viewed: 25.4%
Problem: After setting up amazing stakes, the creator makes them confusing.

From low stakes, to confusing ones.

The hook is brilliant 😂 It really shows Catfluent’s personality and sets clear stakes.

The two things I know are:

1. If she wins the game, he has to get a tattoo.

2. He doesn’t want this to happen.

But then something confusing happens.

We cut to the gameplay, where his wife is now (theoretically) moments from causing her husband to have to get a tattorr…but he actually seems to be supporting her while she plays!

He’s giving her tips and cheering when she does well.

This affects the tension because we no longer know how he actually feels about having to get the tattoo - seemingly he now doesn’t actually mind too much.

This video has small number of views for now which is why it’s particularly spiky, but the overall downward trend can probably be attributed to the confusing stakes.

3 - Dry Visuals

Title: THE MOST META COUNTER-ATTACKING CUSTOM TACTIC! FIFA 22
Creator: ManLikeRomz
Average % viewed: 36.7%
Problem: Laboured Hook + Dry Visuals

My immediate reaction here is that the hook gives a generous dose of Romz’s personality (which is great!) but we have to wait 50 seconds before we get into the ‘meat’. The first spike shows people are skipping this.

The rest of the graph is like a ski slope. Flat for a while, then a sharp drop, then flat again (etc, etc).

Every sharp drop seems to coincide with when Romz is detailing the specific attributes and play styles the audience needs to assign to their players.

The problem is that this is obviously central to the video.

BUT…

It’s visually flat.

While Romz is giving the information, he could try including some B-Roll from the actual matches where the players demonstrate the attributes he’s describing.

Failing that, some dynamic zooms on the areas of the HUD which are being talked about would just keep the video in motion a little more.

We just need a little something to keep the pace moving and to keep the audience engaged while the information is being delivered.

A Brief Interlude…

🔧 My YouTube Script Template

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos. And it certainly helps to have little reminders about what I’m trying to achieve at each point in the script.

So if you’d like the template I use to write for YouTubers, click here. It’s free!

My YouTube Script Template

Back To It…

4 - Perceived Credibility

Title: You're Not A Real Man Until You Unf*ck Your Testosterone Levels
Creator: Jak Lei
Average % viewed: 27.8%
Problem: Perceived lack of credibility

The intro to this video has a few things which could have contributed to the dropoff.

Ignore the spike - it’s a cheeky glitch.

The first shot is handheld which adds a nice personal touch to the video, and sets up a super intriguing premise. Mentioning “balls” right out the gate had my attention! 😂

But I think the first minute features a few too many news clips. We only need a couple of these to give context to the discussion, and the B-Roll overstays its welcome.

It almost feels like it’s padding the video to extend the runtime, rather than spending more time with Jak delivering new information.

Then, by around 3 minutes, we’re at 33% retention and what turned me off can be summed up in two words:

Tucker Carlson 😂

Including B-Roll of Carlson in a discussion about science just doesn’t lend the video credibility, especially when we’re deciding whether to settle in for a 13-minute video about this topic.

I’d have liked to have spent a little more time with Jak, and less with the B-Roll.

5 - Lack of Context

Title: Can 3 Idiots Beat 1 Gang Beasts God?
Creator: DookyFace
Average % viewed: 18.5%
Problem: Intro doesn’t provide context

This video is wild. I want to play this game immediately 😂

The main problem here is a sharp drop-off at the start.

The issue is that the video doesn’t provide any context as to what’s going on.

It seems like we’re being shown a couple of high-energy highlights as a sort of “COMING UP” segment.

But then this goes on for 40s. It turns out we’re watching a highlight reel and it’s already started.

Moreover, the audience is never directly addressed. It feels like we’re a bit outside the joke.

Once I got past that first minute, I was starting to have a little more fun by osmosis. Seemingly, everyone who got that far pretty much stayed til the end too.

But remember, if the audience is confused, they’ll leave. And just a little more interaction with the viewer early on could have helped this.

That’s all for this week!

Thanks to everyone who sent in their retention graphs. There are LOADS more I have to do, so if yours didn’t come up this week then I promise I’ll get around to it soon.

Enjoy your weekend,

George

Let’s take a look at some retention-killing YouTube traps.

You learn something from every single video you make, and I want to share what I’ve learned from my ongoing work with multiple creators.

To help this along, I have a big question…

Would you be willing to share some of your retention curves with me?

I would LOVE to turn this into a regular feature and the more videos we study across different niches, the better our videos will get!

You can drop me an email here or DM me on Twitter - happy to keep you and the video anonymous if you prefer! Think of this like a free script review ;)

Let’s get into it…

1 - Bland Start

This video from a little earlier in my career had an appalling drop-off and it’s easy to see why.

The video opens on a point so blindingly obvious that viewers will assume the rest of the video is filled with boring information too.

Even if you feel you have to make a boring point because it’s fundamental to understanding the broader context, try not to open with it.

It’s for this reason that I didn’t start this piece with my fourth tip.

2 - Too Much Too Soon

In an “X ways to…” video I worked on, I noticed retention suffering during one segment more than others.

On reflection, I noticed we’d summed up the entire segment in the first sentence.

Of course, you’re always going to have to introduce the point you’re making, but if the point is simple enough for the audience to fully understand after the first sentence…

Then it’s time question how much more time you need to spend talking about it.

3 - False Start

I was surprised to find people had skipped the first 10s of this video despite what appeared to be a pretty tight hook.

This spike at 10s is when we get onto the first discussion point.

This suggests that the 10s hook was already too long for people to bother watching. They wanted to get right into it.

But why? It was brief, energetic, and reaffirmed the promise of the title.

But the problem was that it didn’t actually add anything.

Now, it really pays to reaffirm the promise of the title during the hook of a MrBeast video, for example, because the premise is always so outlandish that you need to reassure the audience you’re actually doing what the title says.

But in this case, the premise was a little more pedestrian. And as a result, we basically took 10s to say what the audience had already read in the title, before moving on to the value.

In contrast (and what I’ve found has helped with other videos) kicking off with an interesting metaphor or something more visually engaging is a good way to hook their attention without blandly restating the title.

A Brief Interlude…

🔧 My YouTube Script Template

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos. And it certainly helps to have little reminders about what I’m trying to achieve at each point in the script.

So if you’d like the template I use to write for YouTubers, click here. It’s free!

My YouTube Script Template

Back To It…

4 - Get Outta There

As previously mentioned, this point will be known to most of you, but I had to include it as this is the first time I’m talking about retention curves:

Your outro should be your Call To Action and nothing more.

Send them to another video and stop talking.

Don’t summarise everything you’ve discussed or start up a little heart-to-heart.

Once the final bit of value has been delivered, end the video.

Retention can absolutely bomb in the final 15s, which doesn’t send good vibes to the algorithm.

5 - Overwhelm

This video had been cruising on a nice 60% until the final point we made, where retention dropped off rapidly.

I reviewed this segment several times and couldn’t figure it out. The quality of information and editing was just as good as the rest of the video and the pace seemed fine.

But when I actually listened to what was being said in this segment, I realised the advice we were giving in the final minute was probably 1 or 2 steps beyond where most of the audience was at.

It’s important to think about where the audience is at in their journey and whether you’re likely to overwhelm them with information.

That’s all for this week!

Send me some of your retention graphs (good or bad!) if you’d like to be featured in a future edition - email or Twitter!

You’ll basically get a free video review out of it and help other creators make better videos!

Now, this is me Getting Outta Here.

George

But it gets easier once you start using this sneaky time-saver.

This tactic will:

1. Improve the final script.

2. Stop you wasting time.

But for anyone who saw me tweeting about this, there’s an additional realisation I’ve had about the process which affects the advice I’m about to give.

But we’ll get to that later.

Put simply, you need to proofread scripts with 2 different 'hats' on…

🌊 The Surfer’s Cap

Like the noble surfer sporting a terrific backwards cap (yew!) your job is to catch a wave and ride it all the way back to the beach.

You don’t want to spend the whole time worrying about the seaweed, because you’ll lose your balance, fall, and never ever know what it feels like to ride the wave from start to finish.

(Not a totally accurate metaphor, but you catch my drift 👀)

The first time you read your script, just READ IT. Try to ignore:

1. Typos.

2. Clumsy sentences.

3. Formatting issues.

Take in the flow of the script as a whole and ask yourself more broad questions about the structure of the script, e.g.

1. Should paragraphs X and Y be swapped?

2. Does the hook clearly explain the premise?

3. Does any section feel slow?

4. Have I created a curiosity gap immediately?

5. Am I repeating myself?

6. Have I included anything which previously killed my retention?

It's all too easy to get sucked into the weeds when you review a script for the first time.

But there's no point tidying up a script which may get totally reshuffled.

Or finding the perfect way to phrase something which turns out to be part of a redundant segment.

Try to "watch" the video as you're reading it and figure out what needs to change on a broad scale.

🪴The Gardener’s Hat

Once you've sorted the macro, you can focus on the micro.

Like the noble gardener who first spends their time planning the exact layout of the garden, your script is now arranged nicely.

But you wouldn’t want your visitors to leave saying:

“Yeah it was good, but if only they’d put a little more time into weeding around the rhododendron bushes.”

So get weeding.

Be ruthless.

No more “very” or “in order to” or “as a result of this”.

No more unnecessary gubbins (e.g. phrases like “unnecessary gubbins”)

No more taking a paragraph to say what you could have said in a sentence.

Get the garden looking as close to perfect as you can.

But don't be afraid to put the first hat back on when this is done. The flow may have changed while you were digging up the weeds. It may even be the case that you have to swap hats a few times.

But the time you'll save by thinking about flow FIRST is immense.

(FYI, reviewing the edited video using the 2-hat approach is also helpful)

👆The Exception

However, this is a good rule of thumb until it’s not.

YouTube scriptwriting is art, not science.

So if your script is more or less a ‘brain dump’, you might need to wear the gardener’s hat first, just for a bit.

The garden is sometimes so messy that you wouldn’t know how to start arranging it.

The board is sometimes so entangled in seaweed that you’d never manage to catch a wave.

If you really can’t get a sense of the flow because the script is so messy, it’s ok to be the gardener before the surfer.

But even if you absolutely have to start with the weeds, never negate the flow.

🔧 YouTube Script Template

While no two scripts are the same, it always helps my flow to have a clean space to write and repurpose videos. And it certainly helps to have little reminders about what I’m trying to achieve at each point in the script.

So if you’d like the template I use to write for YouTubers, click here. It’s free!

YouTube Script Template (FREE!)

That’s all for this week. Have a lovely weekend!

George 👋

On Tuesday, Paddy Galloway announced the launch of YTjobs.co, the world’s first centralised hub for YouTubers to find staff.

Creators can find editors, producers, thumbnail designers, scriptwriters (and more) in a single place.

Upon seeing this, I immediately retweeted it to prove that I didn’t feel threatened at all 😂

Because, to be transparent, I had mixed emotions.

On one hand, a lot of what I talk about online is how fun YouTube scriptwriting is and that more people should try and break into it.

Yet here lay a website that could potentially help hundreds of people do exactly that, and for some reason, I was feeling unnerved - primarily because I worried about how low writers would be willing to go to secure projects.

Now don’t get me wrong. This website is potentially something terrific for YouTube and the creator economy as a whole.

But at this early stage, I’ve noticed a clear issue with the expectations some creators seem to have of the scriptwriters they’re looking to hire.

Especially when compared to the other job roles on offer.

Colossal Lowballing

I write this piece not out of some gatekeeping-y bitterness, but out of a genuine desire to speak up about the value of scriptwriters in the YouTube space, in case anyone who hasn’t ever hired or worked with one doubts the value we provide.

Because as things currently stand, those scriptwriters who would consider working for a rate vastly below what they’re worth have a plethora of opportunities on offer.

The seemingly portentous Ame Proietti tweeted this just minutes before I went on the writer jobs page:

Unfortunately, upon visiting the website, my findings were a little disappointing.

Creators with millions of subscribers were offering $100 per project.

This Minecraft YouTuber, for example was offering $150 MAX for 30-60 minute video scripts AND expecting 3 years’ experience:

It just felt kinda cheeky.

YouTubers of this size will know how low these prices are. And while I can appreciate the urge to try your luck and save a little cash, I feel that offering such low rates is disingenuous for creators of this size.

This is, of course, 100% not the fault of Paddy Galloway or anyone else involved in launching the site!

It’s just interesting to see the psychology of some creators play out in their rate-setting now they have access to this centralised hub.

And it’s especially interesting to contrast this with the rates being offered for other positions.

Airrack, for example, is offering the incredibly fair rate of $80,000 for a full-time editor.

In fact, the YouTuber I screenshotted above is offering up to $72,000 for their channel director.

So why the disparity when it comes to hiring a writer?

Now, I admit, many of the writing jobs currently listed have their pay hidden, so this could be a lot of fuss over nothing.

But for those who are choosing to show their rates, it seems like writers are currently being vastly undervalued.

What next?

For as long as large YouTubers are offering ludicrously low rates to scriptwriters for large projects (while simultaneously expecting high levels of experience)…few writers are likely to take them up.

The only writers who would are likely to be relatively inexperienced, and have the potential to fall short of the creators’ expectations.

This can only go one way.

Creators will either continue to get an influx of inexperienced applications (or no applications at all), OR choose to increase their rate of pay.

I’m not saying a lower limit should be enforced either, because some creators might simply want $75-worth of scriptwriting from a new-ish writer (i.e. an hour of research, or a rough script outline, rather than a full project).

But, currently, the price doesn't reflect the expectation.

Overall, I’m excited to see where this goes and pleased to finally have access to a list of other YouTube scriptwriters - I’ve often asked my peers to out themselves on Twitter to no avail 😅

Intrigued to see how this develops over the next year but, for now, I’m unlikely to sign up.

Let me know your thoughts by replying to this email!

Speak soon!

George

🔧 Free YouTube Script Template

You can grab the template I use to write for YouTubers here - it’s free!